


Of Mind and Heart

by Lisa_Telramor



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Internal Monologue, sort of, spoilers for episode 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:18:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8336119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisa_Telramor/pseuds/Lisa_Telramor
Summary: Victor thinks as he comes up with choreography for the competition in episode 3.





	

**Author's Note:**

> What I’d like to see from Yuri!!! on Ice: 1) Victor’s deeper thoughts and motivations, 2) someone helping Yuuri with his eating disorder instead of it being used as a butt of jokes
> 
> Anyway, I watched episodes 2 and 3 and got caught in a thought loop about what the heck is going on through Victor's mind and wrote this. So here. Take it.

 

Victor took a breath, away from the public eye, alone on the ice at his own request. He could see why Yuuri would come here to relax. Victor didn’t share Yuuri’s performance anxiety, but there was something peaceful about having the ice to yourself. The hiss of his skates echoed for his ears alone, quieting extraneous thought.

Choreographing two pieces in a short time, well, he had always been a good choreographer. The challenge had been a whim. The kind of thing that would have driven his coach insane. Victor smiled to himself; that spontaneity was what Victor thrived from and as time went by it had come less and less as his path had laid out in front of him. “Think about your future,” Yakov had said. As if it wasn’t something Victor thought about constantly.

Victor moved into the piece he had started working on for his next performance. The music played in his head as he slid from one movement to the next. It felt hollow. Something in it lacked that spark, that drive that had brought him so far, and he’d ended up stuck worse than he’d ever been with choreography before. He’d meant for it to be a transition from platonic love to romantic, sensuality, but his heart wasn’t in it.

Agape. Eros. He’d chosen passionate emotions in hope of bringing out his own passion. Now he thought it might be better to use the music for his two students.

Victor moved aimlessly, going with the flow of the moment. Agape. Agape… Hah, Yuuri’s life was full of this—his family surrounded him with it, his friends supported him—even the town loved their personal celebrity. And he seemed to care for them back without asking for more than was freely given from them or being arrogant at his achievements. Meanwhile Yuri was passion and selfish drive, the embodiment of Eros… He smirked. Victor could see the sort of skating they could produce with those emotions. It would be good, very good, playing to their strengths, but it wouldn’t be interesting. It wouldn’t be unexpected. And it certainly wouldn’t help either of them in the long run. Yuri needed to be more in the moment, less about the goal. And Yuuri… Yuuri needed confidence and to bring his thoughts away from himself and into his surroundings.

Victor hadn’t been lying when he said that Yuuri’s skating had inspired him, it just wasn’t as clear cut as it sounded. Oh, he’d found it very well done, flattering even in its mirror of his own skating, but it had also frustrated him. There was Victor who had spent hours getting it perfect, thinking each move through. And there was Yuuri, getting it perfect in the off season when he hadn’t been able to pull off a triple axel in his last performance. The incongruity burned as did the waste. He’d pulled off Victor’s routine, one of the hardest he had thought up yet, could have won performing that routine as surely as Victor had, and yet Yuuri had only had dismal showings in his international skating in the last year.

He set the thought aside.

That wasn’t why he was on the ice. Victor moved back to the center and stilled. Agape. Platonic love, devotion—something parental, fraternal, child to parent, friend to friend; no, take it further, penultimate being akin to religious devotion. The love of God to man and man to God. Angels, praying perhaps… Victor let himself shape choreography to the thoughts, adding and dismissing. It was, at its core, trust. A giving of self without need for anything in return. An accepting of love without expectations.

But this was for Yuri. Yuri was flexible, good on landing his jumps and with quick, precise moves. He trended toward flashier things, and so there would be some flair—Victor moved into a jump, landing only to spin away. In, in, in, he wanted Yuri focusing in on himself in this, not the audience, not the end goal or the drive. The choreography flowed fast into his mind. So much quicker than when he tried to choreograph this song for himself.

He moved faster, discarding a handful of concepts before his mind jumped back to religious connotations—sacrifice, giving of self—and found his ending.

Victor froze, panting. For a moment he could picture holding a sword to his own heart, high above his head. He moved through the routine again. Thematically, it wasn’t with Yuri’s strengths. But physically? Physically it would play into them. If Yuri could find what he needed in himself he could make the routine shine.

Yuuri was harder.

Passion and sexuality—sensuality—Victor thought of Spanish dancers, tango and flamenco both with their precise steps and passionate motions. Yuuri had good endurance. He’d proven it when he managed Victor’s routine, and his past pieces had reflected this.

Eros was seduction, pulling in the world and drawing the eye of the one you wanted most. You caught, you pulled them in, and _then_ you showed your passion. Footwork, then the show of technique, perfect with Yuuri since he could handle the jumps being mostly in the second half.

Victor let himself get lost in his footwork. Seduce. Seduce. Simple for him, but not for Yuuri because Yuuri didn’t seem to have confidence at all. The only time he had projected the passion that must lurk in him was when he had been copying Victor.

He needed to work on that.

To that extent, he would need praise and rebuke in equal measure, but _accurate_ praise. Victor knew all too well how praise felt empty after a while, and awed words became expected platitudes. You needed someone to prove they would call you on your mistakes as accurately as they would point out your strengths. Whatever method Yuuri’s old coach had been using, it clearly hadn’t worked. Add that to Yuuri’s personal motivation—food—and no wonder he wasn’t succeeding. He wasn’t sure what to do about the latter yet, but Yuuri’s eating disorder could only be made worse by tying food into motivations, and the only thing Victor could think to do about that now was to try and get to what seemed to be the root of it all with Yuuri’s confidence issues.

Let him perform something sensual that would take no less than confidence. Confidence in skill, and confidence in body.

Victor came to rest, arms wrapped sensuously around himself. Pulling all imagined eyes to him and holding. He licked his lips. They were cold and his mouth a bit too dry from too long out on the ice.

It figured that he was blocked on his own piece but choreographing for two skaters with such potential had him out of his block and choreography flowing in a matter of hours.

Exhaustion crashed on him, and he skated to the edge and the water bottle he had left there. His phone indicated he’d been on the ice almost three hours since the others had left. He gulped water. The choreography he’d come up with would work for both of them.

There was a missed call from Yakov, probably another intended to yell at him for leaving or for letting Yuri follow him. _“Think about your future.”_

Another competition? Retirement? What then? He didn’t think he was making a mistake being here though. The hot springs, the lack of pressure, the chance to clear his mind—all of these had helped immensely. And seeing the next potential big stars of skating and knowing he was helping them forward felt nice as well. Perhaps he needed a new perspective as much as his students did.

He stepped out of the rink, letting the weight of thoughts slide away. Enough seriousness. Back to hot springs and innkeepers who cooked wonderful food and Makkachin’s unconditional affection.

Victor found himself smiling and almost a skip coming to his step as he switched gears. Tonight, all the pleasures this location had to offer. Tomorrow, see what two skaters would make of the challenge he’d created for them. He could admit to anticipating their horrified expressions when they got themes that they were uncomfortable with.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of doubt I'll write more for this series. So far I find it interesting, but am off put by the handling of Yuuri's eating disorder. The animation is lovely, the characters intrigue me, and I intend to keep watching. I'll have to see where the plot goes and what depths the characters have to know if anything more will ping me writing wise. Has anyone else noticed how shows are being made deliberately more and more gay though?? Like, Free had a lot of moments, but this series is blatantly sexually charged with Victor being up in Yuuri's space all the time like that. I thought the gifs and stills were exaggerating, but in fact they were under representing. 
> 
> This was all written in a rush so please excuse any mistakes or lack of coherency... This might be the only time I've ever written anything in response to watching something so I'm not even sure what happened here in my own brain. :/ Curious to see more of Victor's actual character outside of Playboy Pleasure-seeker and Skating Legend. He's probably nothing like this on the inside. 
> 
> (Also I went and looked up Agape and Eros after this so. Uh. Yeah, just... ok, I'm just going to leave this here and all inaccuracies and problems it holds can just be ignored)
> 
> EDIT: I KNEW THIS WOULD BE RETCONNED. BUT OH WAS IT RETCONNED IN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WAY


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